my suicide.

I'm still as depressed as ever, nothing has changed. Things have only gotten worse and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. This zoloft isn't working and the abuse of other substances only works for so long. Sooner than later I'm back to feeling the same shitty way as before. I'm just so tired and sick of everything. I wish I could just put a pistol to my head and paint the wall red but let's face it I'm too much of a pussy to do that shit. I wish I could though because if I did have the guts to take my own life, I would of been dead a long time ago but no I'm still here. I'm still here living a life I don't want to live. I'm here breathing air I don't want to breathe. I'm ready to die but I still open my eyes to face a new day. However, I rather sleep forever because the whole struggling to get out of bed thing isn"t the life I want. The life I want is to actually have no life at all.